I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
