I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
