Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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