Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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