just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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