Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My cat gives me a boner
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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