so that wasnt chicken after all
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
