I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
