He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
