he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
