My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize