wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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