I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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