would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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