I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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