I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
