this boner is exhausting
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
