good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
