this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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