thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
