Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
