Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
