Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
