Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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