I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
