You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
