question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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