Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
