Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
