Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
