Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What a dumb baby whore.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
