Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
