New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
