I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am one with the molecules
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
