Screwed.edu
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
