Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
two words...techno handjob
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
