I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
