Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
