3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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