so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
