ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
