would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
