Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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