You're completely useless in the revolution.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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