did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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