No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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