I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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