Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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