Betty ford says i'm here all night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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