At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
