Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
