apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
