also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
