I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
