idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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