I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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