Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
