Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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