Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
