By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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