I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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