she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
