Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
