Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
