Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
