At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize