Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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