we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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