I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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